I absolutely did not take that week as a gift. I did not see that week in the eyes of gratitude. [In fact, my eye sight literally became blurry, at that moment I knew I needed to stop and take a step back and breathe and take care of myself.] The joy was mushed beneath the backpacks and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and dirty diapers and dishes in the sink and dirt on the floor and seat buckles to buckle and, you get the point.
So it goes, I let go of my expectations. Lowered them. And I tell myself over and over, today is a gift. Our days are numbered. This world is temporary, as much as sometimes we feel invincible and the days will not end. They will.
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12
We are not entitled to our everyday. That was a lesson well-learned this past summer with Naomi's cancer diagnosis. I don't want to forget that. [And why my blog title was changed to The Gift of Today.]
And oh my, yesterday was quite certainly a gift from God. His grace was so abundant as we returned to the hospital after a three month hiatus. Emotions were high and low and across the board last week and up until the moment we heard the results of her tests from yesterday. Fear was there. Our flesh, our human, sinful nature, wanted to welcome fear, but our unwavering faith pushed it out. And it took a lot of pushing. A lot of focusing on The Creator, but He allowed for that peace to fill us.
On the way to the hospital we saw another glorious sunrise, that was not by accident. God is a pretty sweet artist. And the kids were really good. Let's be honest, with three little ones, it is not an easy statement to say all the kids were joyful and good. But they were, thank you Jesus. Naomi couldn't eat breakfast like the other two, but she was satisfied with the fact that she could carry her banana around until after her scans. Her IV took one quick poke and she was good to go. The nurses couldn't believe how low-key she was for a two year old--she didn't even have to be sedated for her scan, because she laid perfectly still. [And if you know Naomi, her stubbornness can come out and well, hello, she is the middle-child.] We waited for two hours to talk with our oncologist, Dr. Long. Waiting on a hospital floor, especially on a hematologist-oncologist pediatric floor, isn't the most comfortable feeling. But God protected my thoughts by focusing on Naomi's sweet way of play while we waited.
Then the news came. Although the chances of Naomi's cancer returning are very slim, there is still a chance. But that chance didn't happen yesterday, praise Jesus! She still has a small part of the tumor left, as it was expected since 95% was initially removed, but it didn't appear to grow and there were no new spots! We thank our Heavenly Father for what He has already done in Naomi's life and remain confident in His almighty power. And we continue to focus on today. That today is a gift. And one day, we will no longer experience cancer, and death, and pain, and doctor visits, because we will be rescued by God. I'm so thankful we are apart of His redemption plan.
We celebrated the good news with an afternoon trip to the zoo with all the kids and my brother and sister-in-law and their two children.
Now we are go on another three month break before the next scan. But I refuse to live our lives waiting for the when and if, but living rather for the great I Am.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw everything that hinders and the sin that so easy entangles. And let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2