I told myself I would be in bed by 9pm tonight because I'm that tired. Except we didn't get the kids to bed till 9, so it wasn't going to happen for me.
Last night I cleaned my home (well, parts of it) after the kiddos went to bed. When I wiped the mirrors, dusted the dresser (who am I kidding, I didn't dust), put away the clothes, scrubbed the old blue toothpaste off of the kids' sink, an overwhelming sense of gratitude set in. And the Holy Spirit filled me with thankfulness for all of our blessings. But last night, as I was almost done cleaning this thought hit me and tried to crumble me up and rip away at my gratitude---Naomi's 3 month post-surgery scan is August 26, I must get my house in tip-top order and get all my projects done by then because what if we have to stay in the hospital for a long time. What if...her cancer comes back. Am I ready for it? [I'm confident in God's plan and what He has already done with Naomi and our family. I fully believe that Naomi's cancer won't return.]
Fear not. For I am with you. [I repeated this to myself over and over.]
Do my kids know that I am broken and need Jesus? Do others? I don't want to wear a mask. I just want to be me. And have Jesus' love radiate through me.
We have lived in our home for just over a year now, I love it so much, but I'm overwhelmed by the size. I want to use it for His glory. How can I do that? Am I doing that? Maybe we should just sell everything. It times to simplify more. I'm tired of stuff.
Thankful that I am God's adopted child. Thankful for his loving discipline. Thankful that He knows the big picture.
Did I remind myself that today was a gift? Did I let go of the things don't really matter? Did I choose joy?