unattainable expectations.

I'm fresh in this season. This season of feeling like I have to do everything right. Everything perfect. And if I don't, well, someone is going to be let down and not like me or judge me or think I'm a failure. This last week in particularly I've been struggling with this. Which causes me to make me feel like I'm drowning.

The problem is, this expectation came from no one but myself. Why do we do this to ourselves? Fill our brain with doubt and unattainable goals of perfection. Christ hasn't called us to perfection. In fact, it's complete opposite. He calls us, as sinners, to accept His love, and just love Him and His people. His grace is sufficient.

Here's a confession. We just got home from the kids being at preschool while I was at work.  Now I'm letting the kids eat their lunch on the coffee table while watching a movie. Linc just brought me a pair of sharp scissors. I'm eating leftovers from dinner and there is a huge sink full of dishes in my kitchen. And somehow I thought it would be a good idea to write about unattainable expectations because if I thought hard about what my current moment of life looks like I might freak out. Because, I'm far from perfect. My kids aren't learning at this very moment, my house is a mess, or I'm not spending quality time with my kiddos.

But, but I'm trying to change my habits of self destruction.  Instead of seeing this moment right now as chaos and tons of things to do. I'm taking this moment right now and seeing my kids as freely expressing themselves by putting on dance clothes and shoes to dance to the movie they are watching. [Wait, now they have asked to turn on some Nutcracker music to dance to, done with the movie.] Linc is exploring--learning about himself and things around him--currently bringing me shoe after shoe, a bit safer than scissors, thankfully. And I get to eat in peace, which is rare and pretty awesome.

My kids are okay. They are loved. I am loved, by them and my Heavenly Father. I have no one to please, but to share the grace of God and the joy that he scores deep into my heart when I realize what really matters in life. Not the dishes. Or that I let my kids watch a movie while eating lunch. Or, gasp, they don't eat all organically.

Where is my focus today? On my unattainable expectations that cause me to drown in self-destruction or on the Creator and Sustainer of all things? On the joys of today, even in the midst of chaos?

Picture completely unrelated to the post, except I look at this and am reminded that my kids accept me for who I am, my imperfections and all. Thankful for how God uses our kids to remind us of grace. 

**Did you notice the new blog title?! More on that in another post!

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