the silver lining.

I watched a clip this morning about parenting, what a lot of us (including me) needs to be reminded about. Some of my friend's are friends with a (wonderful) lady named Meagan Francis, who talked about her book, The Happiest Mom on Fox the other day. And my mind won't stop thinking about it. [Please go and watch the video.]

Motherhood is tough, no doubt. There are days I want to scream, toss in the rags and go home, except I can't, because it is a never ever ending job. BUT, oh, there are days that are so good. That go click, click, click.

And I think we can have more of these type of days, when we look at parenthood as happy times. Because they truly are.

I'm not here to raise my kids to be in every type of sport. Or to play the most maginificent instrument starting at age three. Or to feel like I have to craft every day with them or cook with them. My goal is not for my child to be an early reader or to get A's all through school. Or to even go to college. [These things are fine and good, but they are not my ultimate parenting goals.]

At the end of the day, I ask myself have my kids been loved? Like, really loved. Do they know sacrifice and giving? Do they have contentment {not with this world, but with Him}? What about forgiveness? I want to teach love, because He first loved us.

I love when Meagan says, Be the parent you are. Be who you want to be.

That's what I'm going to do. Keep parenting with my imperfect ways....but with lots and lots of love.

I seemed to have misplaced my mind. Would you mind helping me find it?

I haven't been able to find my thoughts lately. At least cohesively. I have been doing things and thinking things like this:

• Woke up in the middle of the night last night and thought I didn't think Victoria Beckham ever smiled. But she did do it a couple of times on American Idol. Then I got frusterated for waking up and thinking that. My sleep is way to precious to be thinking of Mrs. Beckham.
• I was in the shower the other evening. Actually at 11:45pm to be exact. And instead of enjoying the peace and quiet and alone time, I started reciting books I have been reading to Audrey in my head. The moon is up. It's getting late. Let's get ready to celebrate. It's pajama time. or Panda Bear Panda Bear what do you hear? I hear a lion roaring in my ear. or A is for apple that I like to bite. B is for bear that I cuddle at night. You get the point.
• While taking my first dance/exercise class on Monday night, called Zumba, we did this move that made me think about my honeymoon in Jamaica. Then instead of paying attention to the instructor, I was trying to come up with a plan to get us back to Jamaica so we could win the dance competition again. [Oh yeah, that's right. Both the hubster and I won were crowned Reggae king and queen. What, what.]

On top of all this randomness, we have taken Audrey's paci away this week. We tried it last week and as you can see, we are champion parents, so we are trying it again. I am also trying to get her down to one nap. Without a paci, she won't go to sleep as easy, so two naps is nearly impossible. She is doing okay with the whole thing, it just takes a lot of patience right now on our part.

And another thing. I am going to Tennessee this weekend for a little girls' weekend. Without Audrey. It will be my first time away from her overnight. I know she's ready, I just don't know if I am. But she will be in the best of hands (her daddy's) and it will be so nice to spend some quality time with some of my closest friends.

I'm off to take a shower. At 2:50 in the afternoon. Gotta squeeze it in somewhere. And probably recite a bunch of more books. Maybe I will turn them into songs.

Going Through the Motions.

I tweeted this a couple of days ago:

"Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions? ugh."

And I got responses on it right away. And it felt good to know that I am not the only one feeling like that. I mean, I know I am not the only one. But sometimes it feels that way.

It can be tough with Facebook, Twitter, and reading other blogs. I read things like "Just finished canning tomatoes for the entire winter." Or "Homemade pasta ready for dinner with strawberry cheesecake for dessert." Or "Went running three miles and I feel great for being 35 weeks pregnant." Or "Just cleaned the entire house with a toothbrush."

Okay, I made those up. But I have read things pretty darn close. Don't get me wrong, I love reading things that people accomplish or enjoy doing. Sometimes I write like that. It's normal. It's what we do. We like to talk about the good things we are doing. But sometimes. Sometimes it's tough to read it. When all you feel like you are doing is going through the motions.

I wake up. Make coffee. Feed breakfast to Audrey. Do laundry. Dishes. Make sure the house looks okay. Then we leave to do something for the morning. Come home. Eat lunch. Audrey naps. I sometimes nap. [Because gosh darn it, I have been so tired for no reason. And I don't like it one bit.] We come up with time fillers until daddy gets home. We eat dinner. Daddy works more. We do bath. Then bed.

I am just going through the motions. I am waiting. Waiting to move. Our house is half-filled with boxes. Our new home is half-remodeled. Okay, not even half, like one room is complete. When October 19th gets here, I won't be going through the motions anymore. I will have a purpose. I will be decorating a new home. Painting more. Life will move on.

But I want to stop going through the motions now. I want to take in these moments I have left in this house. I want to take in the moments I have left with my not-quite-one-little-baby. I want to take in life. Take in the strong breeze outside. The leaves changing. Falling.

I need a pick-me-up. Not a cup of coffee that is going to get me through the next couple of hours. A real pick-me-up. But I think the only way to get that is just to do it. I am going to stop going through the motions now. And take in life. Because these moments are passing me by.

Caught at the Scene of the Crime.

How messy can a house really get with just one child? One 11 month old sweet little girl?

[I did not stage any of it. Seriously.]

Oh no, Momma, you caught me.

[Disclaimer: The things she pulled out of the cabinet were really in there. Yes, random stuff, I know. But I have random stuff EVERYWHERE right now, because we are in the middle of our move. And I have packed up the unnecessary items and kept the essentials out. Like popcorn containers. Which are very essential. Kettle corn is awesome. Thanks. And I have it pretty much every night in one of those containers.]

This is the Way it is Suppose to be.

It happened to me today. I'm sitting in church, the sermon is going on, and then I see it. The number. The number your child is assigned to in the nursery in case they need to get a hold of you. And oh, is it obvious when the parent has to stand up in the middle of the sermon and walk out immediately after the number is placed on the screen. The very-large-screens-on-both-sides-of-the-church. It might as well state "Audrey is screaming her head off for her mom. Please come immediately."

I'm walking. Smiling at everyone. Pretending that it is no big deal that I am about to go get my hysterically crying baby.

But it is a big deal. ALL the other babies were as content as can be. But my poor sweet baby girl was yelling for "mom mom mom" and sobbing. I immediately rescued her. I get the response "she isn't away from you very much, now, is she?" This caused a am I doing the right thing, parenting question, inside of me? Am I suppose to be away from her more?

Then I realized...

As a matter of fact. No, she isn't ever away from me. And I have wanted it to be that way. Not because she can't be, but because I don't want her to be. I LOVE having her near me all the time. [Okay, confession: I like having her around all the time, but sometimes I get frusterated and wishing for a break, but you get the idea.]

She is a happy, easy-going baby. And if she cries when I am not around, who can blame her?

She is suppose to be with me all the time. This is the way it is suppose to be. For me. For now.

Guess What.

One of the funnest [I don't like saying 'most fun' you should be allowed to say funnest] games ever: Guesstures. Maybe because I secretly wish I was an actress [if I didn't ever have to go Hollywood]. Or maybe because it is a hilarious game for capturing pictures. Either way, it is just plain fun. We played the game tonight with a bunch of friends. Guys vs. girls, of course. And let me just say, I got six points for our team. In one turn. While carrying Audrey in the sling. [Yes, I just patted myself on the back].

My favorite word I had to act out: midwife. My team even guessed it right too! Here I am getting in position for "birth." Hence the legs spread apart and my intense look. What the picture doesn't reveal is me pretending to give myself a needle and then becoming the "midwife" and shaking my head 'no' and using breathing techniques instead. Holla!

BTW- My husband offered multiple times to hold Audrey during the game. My friends offered too. But I enjoyed having my partner in crime right next to me. AND I wanted to show that you can doing anything with a baby in a sling. Even play Guesstures. Which leads me on a tangent...(Get ready, it really is a tangent).

Since Audrey was born Andrew and I 'vowed' to not let our life stop just because we had a baby. Yeah, it has definitely changed. But we didn't want to be one of those couples that all life ends because of children. Sometimes we may have to leave a place a tad bit early or you may have to listen to a crying baby, or I may be nursing right next to you, but we will be there. Audrey has a bedtime, but is she asleep every night by 8:30? Ha, no. Not even close. In fact, right now, at this very moment (10:31pm to be exact) she is hanging out with her daddy, typing messages (aka-letters and numbers with lots of spaces in between) on Facebook. I guess my point is, with all of our non-parent friends, we just want to be an example that life does get better with kids. And life goes on. And you can still live it. That's all. Okay, done with tangent.