I tweeted this a couple of days ago:
"Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions? ugh."
And I got responses on it right away. And it felt good to know that I am not the only one feeling like that. I mean, I know I am not the only one. But sometimes it feels that way.
It can be tough with Facebook, Twitter, and reading other blogs. I read things like "Just finished canning tomatoes for the entire winter." Or "Homemade pasta ready for dinner with strawberry cheesecake for dessert." Or "Went running three miles and I feel great for being 35 weeks pregnant." Or "Just cleaned the entire house with a toothbrush."
Okay, I made those up. But I have read things pretty darn close. Don't get me wrong, I love reading things that people accomplish or enjoy doing. Sometimes I write like that. It's normal. It's what we do. We like to talk about the good things we are doing. But sometimes. Sometimes it's tough to read it. When all you feel like you are doing is going through the motions.
I wake up. Make coffee. Feed breakfast to Audrey. Do laundry. Dishes. Make sure the house looks okay. Then we leave to do something for the morning. Come home. Eat lunch. Audrey naps. I sometimes nap. [Because gosh darn it, I have been so tired for no reason. And I don't like it one bit.] We come up with time fillers until daddy gets home. We eat dinner. Daddy works more. We do bath. Then bed.
I am just going through the motions. I am waiting. Waiting to move. Our house is half-filled with boxes. Our new home is half-remodeled. Okay, not even half, like one room is complete. When October 19th gets here, I won't be going through the motions anymore. I will have a purpose. I will be decorating a new home. Painting more. Life will move on.
But I want to stop going through the motions now. I want to take in these moments I have left in this house. I want to take in the moments I have left with my not-quite-one-little-baby. I want to take in life. Take in the strong breeze outside. The leaves changing. Falling.
I need a pick-me-up. Not a cup of coffee that is going to get me through the next couple of hours. A real pick-me-up. But I think the only way to get that is just to do it. I am going to stop going through the motions now. And take in life. Because these moments are passing me by.