how many.

Last night I did this weird thing where I pretended to myself that we were done having kids. Done at two kids. Pretty normal. A lot of people stop at two. A lot of my friends are finished at two. I thought, this is our last newborn (although she really isn't so much a newborn anymore), this is the last child I will nurse. [Don't ask me why I was pretending that we were done with kids. I'm strange like that.] No more pregnancies. Done. This is our family.

And in my heart and in my gut, I had that feeling. That feeling that it wasn't right. Which I already knew. But still I wanted to really think about it.

We aren't done, as long as it is in God's plans as well. And even though I'm so tired. And I want my body back. And freedom. And just a date with my husband. And time to go grocery shopping alone. And wow, what a sacrifice it is. It is so, so much more. And totally worth it.

I hear so often-- kids are so expensive. Think about cars and college and the drama. And vacation. But ask me three years ago if I thought we could afford two kids with me staying home. I would have said heck no. In fact, ask me now and I would say no. But somehow [by the Grace of God] we are doing it. So when another one comes along, we will do it then.

So how many? We say three or four. But we'll see.

For now, I'm so thankful for our two beautiful girls.

Christmas Sunday, ready for church.

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